Searching for Joy

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I'll just get straight to the post... if it seems as though the idea of this post seems to be all over the place, please bare with me.  I just have a lot on my mind, and I feel like I need to express it ALL... somehow, regardless of its organization.  So here we go...

We all go through ups and downs... Most of the time, it is easier to recognize all the negative and bad things that are happening in our lives.  Trust me, I know what that is like.  I don't mind getting a little personal here, but as someone who has been suffering from anxiety, it is easy to get overwhelmed and depressed, so I know that it is extremely easy to forget that there is always a positive to every negative that comes along. 

Lately, I feel like I have been searching for joy in my life.  There is just so much that is going on in my life, I just don't know how to absorb anything anymore.  It is so easy for me just to dismiss anything, because I am the type of person who doesn't talk about my problems to anyone anymore... So I guess it has become a habit to not even reflect on anything in my life... the good and the bad. 

It seems as though I try to "live in the moment".  Which is good, because I used to stress out all the time planning every single part of my day and life.  So, just being spontaneous and going with the flow has definitely taught me a few new things about myself.  But because I have become more spontaneous, I feel like it has only given me temporary happiness... which is something that is great for that moment... but afterwards... it is just another search for that spark of joy.

I personally don't know what is going on in my head, but I know that I am again starting to have thoughts that I know I shouldn't have.  It's kind of weird... I want to talk about my issues, but then I feel like I shouldn't.  There are so many people in my life that I know who love and care... but sometimes I feel like I just shouldn't trust them with my problems.  I guess I fear they might use it against me? I don't know. 

So what have I been doing to help myself?  A method I used to do when I was younger, was to just see the positive in every situation; no matter how great or bad it may be.  It worked for me before, so I think it would be a great idea to revisit this tacit.  For example, it is snowing like crazy outside... it could be a negative thing since driving in the snow is absolutely chaotic.  On the other hand, I am living in a home that can keep me warm from the cold. 

But, I think what helps me the most is the words of encouragement from God.  I have yet to leave my home without my rosary.  It is always either in my bag or my pocket, in quick reach whenever I am feeling at my lowest.  I'm not sure exactly what it is, but when I pray, or just talk to God, I could just feel that He is listening... which is something I want, for someone to just hear me and listen. 

It isn't always easy to hear what He may be saying, but he expresses his care and love through subtle actions around us, and through His words.  One particular verse that I absolutely love, is one I think anyone can take and just take a personal meaning from it.

The pain that you have been feeling can not compare to the joy that is coming. - Romans 8:18.

This "simple" verse speaks volume.  God has a plan for us, and he wouldn't be putting us through things he know we would not be able to handle.  He would never intentionally try and hurt us... Absolutely not.  There is always a good at the end of every outcome, and this is something I think we all need to realize. 

Joy is coming, and I am confident in His words and promises. He knows how to restore us when we are at our lowest, we just have to listen and have trust in Him that he will do so.  

Lets all remember His words, and use it as encouragement, for he is always there, guiding and helping us through the best and worst of times.