But, What About Me?

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Ask anyone who knows me to describe me with one word, and I can almost guarantee that they will describe me as selfless. 

To me, this can be both a good and bad thing. It is a good thing because others sees me as a people person. Someone they can confide in, someone they can ask help from, or someone they can lean on for a shoulder to cry on. It could also be a bad thing because others can use this trait for their personal advantage. And, by this I mean they can just use me whenever they please. 

The best part about being selfless is that I am honestly so happy whenever I make someone else happy. I usually never have an ulterior motive whenever I do anything for anyone, and I don't hardly expect anything in return besides the simple "thank you". It makes me feel good knowing that I can make a difference in someone's lives based on the actions, including the smallest ones, I do. The way I see it, actions can go a long way. And, the way we treat others really can make a huge impact on their lives. 

I guess the worst part is summed up in the question, what about me? This is exactly how I've been feeling lately. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind helping others... but, sometimes there are just those days where I need someone to put down their phones and just listen to me for once. Sometimes, I just need someone to ask me how I'm doing, or how was school. Don't get me wrong, I have Jay who does that for me, but sometimes it's not him I need that sort of comfort from. Does that make sense? I guess I mean, sometimes I want my girls to take more of an interest in my life, just like I have an interest in theirs.

I dunno. I guess this all stems from a situation that happened recently. As I keep mentioning, this week is reading week for me, and that means I have the week off from school. For the past month or so, I've been trying to plan a weekend get away with my friends. I sent them questions asking them when they are available, I sent them different links to hotel rooms with varying price, and I constantly asked for their opinions. I guess you can say I was pretty much ignored with the entire idea, and then just decided to give up on the plan. If no one else was serious, then whats the point of me waiting my energy?

So then I stopped. Then, just last week I started getting questions from everyone in our group discussion asking what we are doing. At this point I was just straight up pissed off. Like, I fully had an idea well in advanced, and I was literally ignored every time I brought up the idea. Now, with just 2 days from when they wanted to do a weekend get away trip, they were serious? It made me made, and just felt ignored. And I just made it clear to them that I don't want to be apart of whatever it is they are planning because I just wasn't in the mood to waste my time finding hotels just to be ignored again.

They eventually didn't end up going (no shocker there).

But, this situation just goes to show you how my efforts are no longer even recognized. My actions are like expected. And, it really does suck because no one realizes the amount of effort I put into everything I do. For the next few days, I'm going to try to just think about me. And, if people can't handle that, then oh well.